Never Enough

Yesterday Pastor GC preached at church. He preached on the story of King Soloman who had everything yet it was never enough. He took excessive to the extreme and still he felt empty. He reaslied through God, is the only way he could really value and truly enjoy what he had in his life. The story struck a cord with me.

I know that feeling of always wanting more, and more, and more. To me there’s always something better and because of that mind set I find I don’t seem to enjoy and value what I do have at that moment. My heart and mind is never at peace and it always yearns for something to fill it but can’t seem to find it.

Pastor GC echoed a really good quote … if only I can remember or find it online. It basically went along the lines of to truly enjoy what you have now you need to stop thinking about what you could have or what could have been.

I need to stop the whole “keeping up with the Jones” and the “wondering what-if’s” and just focus on my family and my relationships with people. Strong solid foundations start from home and once imbedded it will out last and out test anything it faces.

I also need to find God. I’m curious to know that content and fulfilled feeling Soloman talks about. The one that only through God will fill.

Mum Versus Mum

Today Eli had another allergic reaction to formula milk. Why do I say another because two days ago he experienced this already.  We decided to change formula milk brands. Why? Cause we noticed the current brand of milk we were feeding him he wasn't particularly finishing and noticed he would actually pull away as if he is refusing to drink it.

So we went from Nan and tried the Bellamy organic formula. He had a severe reaction causing him to throw up and break out in a rash which eventually turned into hives. It was a scary experience and I felt helpless watching this tiny little person go through this uncomfortable and painful experience.

We eventually got it under control by giving him half a dose of antihistamine, lots of cuddles and back to breast milk. We were also told by the doctors that he needs to come back and do an allergy test so we can assess what he is allergic to, but in the mean time give him as much breast milk or use previous brand of formula since there was no reaction.

Yesterday I come home and my mother had purchased a can of S-26 branded formula milk. She kept insisting that this brand is much better for Eli  because she used it with my sister when she was a baby. I felt obligated to use it because she had purchased the formula already and felt the pressure to give it to him.

Unfortunately Eli also reacted the same way to this brand of milk as he did with Bellamy. Again he projectile vomited everywhere and broke out in a rash and hives. Again I felt scared and worried and sorry for my baby.

I need to stop doing things because older mothers tells me or pressures me into doing things. I should just listen to my baby and to my instincts about situations. If I don't feel comfortable I shouldn't do it. I put Eli at risk because of my fear of saying no. I need to step up, stand my ground and be able to decline suggestions I instinctively feel isn't right. 

7 Months Today

It was little jing jing’s 7 month old celebrations yesterday. I really wish I could keep him as a baby forever. I wish babies remained this cute and perfect for a longer period of time. He’ll be talking back to me and getting married before I know it. I’m going to miss this precious and innocent season of their lives.

Another reason why I don’t want him to grow up is the older he gets the more mobile he becomes therefore exposing him to more dangerous and threats that is out there in the world. I know we can’t hide our children and I want him to live his life to the fullest I just fear for his safety especially when I’m not around. I worry about those who would want to harm him and I hope he doesn’t make regrettable mistakes.

I know I can’t avoid all these things but I hope to equip him to face these challenges in life. Equip him in ways I don’t think I was equipped to do so. Yes my parents implemented a nurturing and stable unbringing but there were so many unspoken conversations. Actually we didn’t really talk about things when I was growing up so I met certain cross roads or experiences with fear of the unknown

I plan to constantly talk to my children. Talk to them so they aren’t afraid to talk to me about anything. I want them to feel comfortable to discuss any topic, safe to share their options and open to tell me their experience.

Bonds Baby Search 2012

I had to enter the little man into this competition. He is too cute not to be entered ...

The prizes ain't that great it's more bragging rights that the general public voted your child the cutest amongst all the entrants. Child will also be featured on future Bond's ads and you get only $250 worth of Bonds baby apparel.

So I need all the votes I can get so get voting for Eli by clicking on this link.

Thanks 

Meetings & Motherhood

I'm writing this post whilst on the bus, via my iPhone (which is on 8% battery life) trying to make it on time to my 8am meeting. Firstly, I will never agree to an 8am meeting again. Why for a number of reasons 

1. I live roughly an hour away from the city now so the commute is longer then when I was living in Crowie. And when I say it takes an hour to get into town, this is assuming there is no traffic. 
2. Trying I get up early with a seven month old baby is physically challenging as I can't predict how well he did or didn't sleep the night before. 
3. I hardly get any sleep as it is. So when I woke up at 6.14am this morning realising I should have woken up an hour and 14mins ago I quickly put on what I could find, slapped I some make up and ran out the door. I briefly saw my reflection on the bus this morning and I look like I just woke up.  

In my books looking like I didn't "make an effort" is considered unacceptable. I recall meeting up with SD for lunch one day after she returned to work from her maternity leave. I remember she looked tired, frazzled and "mumsie". I thought to myself at that time 'when I have kids I wont look like that. I'm still going to care about how I look before I step out of the house'. I think it's not that she wasn't trying she just had a million and one things to do for everyone else and had no time for herself. 

Well that's how I feel. There were still a million and one things I could have done before I left the house this morning. Tasks ensuring the household is prepared for tomorrow's challenges. It's a juggling act, physically draining and at times unguided but I guess you just have to suck it up and do it. 

They say motherhood is one of the most challenging tasks in life. They weren't wrong. I believe the reason why woman (most) are natural multi taskers. It an inbuilt trait you're going to need when you start a family. 

It's 7.38am and we're crossing the bridge. Maybe I will make it on time to my 8am meeting after all. Two more work days until the weekend.

Busy Mum Excuse & Eli Update

Its been awhile since I’ve posted.

I now understand the mother excuse “when I get the time to do it”. There really isn’t enough time in the day, in the week to do everything you need to do. I get thorough my tasks as much as I can when I can. I literally start something, stop mid way through the task, then next minute start something else. The time frame between these cycles can be anything from a minute to several hours. This process is occurring for about 3-4 tasks simultaneously. No wonder I hardly sleep, no wonder I can’t sleep, no wonder I’m exhausted.

Eli has grown so much in the past few weeks. I look at him and I realise how quickly time is flying and he’s not that little fragile baby I took home July last year. He’s eating his home made baby food with such excitement. I’m so pleased he loves to eat and eat so much of it. I guess it there's some truth to what the midwife at the prenatal class suggested. Which was to continue to breastfeed and hold back introducing baby food as late as possible will set their tummies ready for solids. Eli is loving all the new foods in his diet.

He’s master the art of sitting on his own and standing up .. then grabbing onto anything that he can pull himself up on. I love walking into his room to find him standing up in his cot, smiling to see you. I also love walking in and finding him playing quietly in his cot with the limited toys he has in there.

He has a thing for edges and corners. He grabs corners of blankets and pillows. He’s fascinated by the corners of his play mat so much so he tries to pull it apart. He’s getting to that age where you can’t leave lost items too close or else his fast hands will quickly grab them. And that grip …. Where do babies have such strength?

It’s great having our families look after him especially in this critical stage of development. The only draw back is there are three different techniques of nurturing going on and this can be annoying when you’re trying to instill a process and routine. Before I went to work I could put Eli into his cot sleepy and he knew how to put himself to sleep. Now we’re finding this technique does not work. 

Here's a recent pic of the cheeky and growing little man

First Week Back

This entry is way over due so I'll just add to it. 

Just to digress .... When I re read my old blogs I noticed I wrote about non trival things that it just wasting space on the world wide web. I regretted not writing about real emotions and experiences I had at the time so I could reflect on them in the future. So now for this blog I find myself starting an entry and saving so I can add to it when I have more time to do so ....

My first week back I only worked 2 days but it was enough. I wish I only worked 2 days a week. So last week was my first full week of work. The week does not fly like I was hoping it would, to me it still felt like a full 5 day working week.

On Tuesday I really missed being around my son. I think the ridiculous 2 hours it took me to get home that day didn't help. I miss being around him all day. Leaving Eli to be looked after by family wasn't my issue its not seeing him grow and witness all his first's is what breaks my heart. This period of his life is only a small window of time and I wish I was present 24 hours a day. When I am with him I could stop and just be around him. It's such a odd feeling. I am (and still is) such a "like to keep busy" person but when it comes to my son, I'm content to just be still and be in his space. Of course the stuff I need to get done is always on my mind whirling around while I'm with him, but when I know he wants to play I'm more than willing to play with him. Any task that needs to be done can wait. 

I wonder if this feeling will ever fade? The downside to my over attention to Eli is the mis perception Ian gets that Eli favours me more. I've noticed his made this comments and forming this kinda of attitude may result in him not trying as hard as he thinks I am enough. I remind him constantly that this period in our child's life is only a short season of time and its best we enjoy it as much as we can. Time will fly so quickly and next thing you know they're old enough to not want to do anything with us.

Oh Eli I wish I could keep you as a a baby forever. You're so perfect and adorable.