Sleep Training Day 1 & 2

Why we started sleep training? Some background ...

Sunday, 30th March

Today we begin enforcing a day routine. The day routine we decided to do for Kai is once he wakes I breastfeed him. Then feed him some solid food, some play time for 1-1.5 hours, read a book, cuddles and kisses then into the cot for his nap. In the cot we're going to turn the mobiliser on as it plays music and hopefully that will help him establish that when he hears this it's time for sleep.

For his night time routine we decided to start around 5:30pm. Routine will consist of a milk feed, then some solids, light play time for about 30 minutes of less. Then a bath, read a book, goodnight cuddles then placed into the cot. 

We predict he will of course protest so we decided we would do the control crying method. Control crying is when you put your baby in his cot and walking away the return after a few minutes. Then return back into the room to hand comfort him or any form of comforting except picking him up until he calms down. You would repeat this process until the baby finally falls asleep increasing the time you return back into the room by one minute after each iteration. We don't mind hearing Kai cry just not for too long. We don't mind walking away and letting him cry cause if we stood by his cot comforting him until he settled down we know we'd cave in and pick him up. And the key to sleep training is consistency and for the parents not to break.

8:00 Time Kai woke up.

9:00 Kai is put into the cot after following the day routine we set above. Of course he cried while he was in there so we would return every few minutes to hand settle him, and speak words of love and encouragement to calm him down.

10:00 He's finally fallen asleep. 

10:30 Woken up by Eli's loud voice as he came into the room. Waited two minutes before putting the mobiliser back on and a dummy in his mouth. It worked he fell asleep in a few minutes. 

11:00 Woke up. Fed him milk then gave him some solid food.

We had a day out planned as it was the last day before my sister flies back to London so we had to all go. 

12:30 Slept in my arms for 30 minutes.

14:00 Slept in Ian's arms for 30 minutes.

17:30 Arrive home and decide to start night time routine now. I fed him milk although he didn't seem that interested. Offered food but he was too upset to eat. We bathed him, read a book, had our cuddles and said our goodnight's.

18:22 We put him in the cot and turned on the mobiliser on. Cried, waited for a set timed period then hand settled until he was a little calmer then walked out. 

19:28 He finally fell asleep. 

23:30 He woke up. I breastfed him. He fell asleep on the boob and as soon as he did I moved him into the cot. He woke but I turned on the mobiliser, placed dummy in his mouth, said goodnight and walked away. He whimpered for a few minutes but eventually fell asleep. 

All up he got just under 14 hours of sleep today which is the suggested amount of sleep for a 6 month old. 

Monday 31st March

2:30 He woke up so I fed him again. He didn't seem sleepy and quite alert so I changed his nappy, put warmer clothing on him and put him in his Bamboo Baby Sleeping Bag as it is a little cooler by now. I put him back into the cot, turned the mobiliser on and walked away. He was whimpering but I decided I wasn't going to go back to him unless he started to actually cry. I could hear him rolling around the cot.

3:30 Fell back asleep. 

8:00 Kai wakes up. I breastfed him and offer him solids. He didn't seem too interested in the food and only had a few bites. He plays for a few minutes but seems irritated. I moisturise him as he's also currently going through an eczema episode.

9:00 I put him back into his sleeping bag, read him a book, gave him some kisses and put him into the cot. He only whimpered for a few minutes. 

9:15 He's asleep.

11:00 We wake him as he has his immunisation appointment that day. At the doctors he has his shots and I discussed my concerns about his eczema. It has spread from not just his neck and now to his tummy and arms. The doctor thinks it could be allergies so he's booked in next week to do the allergy prick test. I'm hoping I don't have another kid with allergies but I'm now avoiding certain foods (eggs, cows milk and nuts) just to be sure. We spend the rest of the afternoon with my sister as she flies back to London that evening. At my parent place Kai probably got an hour's worth of sleep broken into two 30 minutes naps. 

17:30 Arrive home and begin night routine. Milk, solids, bath, book and good night cuddles.

18:08 Kai is put into the cot. He cries on and off and we return back into the room several times to hand settle him. 

19:04 We go to waiting 8 minutes before going into the room by the time he finally fell asleep.

All up he got a little over 14 hours of sleep today. Now we're thinking the eczema is probably impacting his ability to get to sleep as well.

Read about our Day 3 & 4 experience.

Sleep Training Kai

Those who know me personally would know that we've been trying to get Kai to fall asleep unassisted. We don't want to wait until he's two years of age, like we did with Eli before we over come this hurdle.

Our expectation isn't that we want him to sleep through the night, that would be a bonus. We just don't want to continue to rock him or for me to give him the boob to fall asleep. It's not even the fact that we don't want to do these things but he's kinda over those tactics too. The process takes longer and longer each time and ultimately he's becoming over tired and us irritated. And because he doesn't know how to sleep he doesn't sleep very long either. So the process to get him to fall asleep seems forever constant.

So we decided he's got to learn how to fall asleep unassisted. I've read so many things online about sleeping techniques and methods but I stumbled across a blog which gave me the encouragement, information and confidence to really commit to achieving this. I realised a some things after reading a few articles on this blog:

• We need to establish a regular and consistent day routine as well if we want to see any success with the night time one. We never did routines with Eli, he was fine without one but in hind sight maybe we should have gave it a go if babies thrive best on one. I guess we didn't establish a routine with Eli due to our living arrangements at the time and my attitude towards having a routine. My belief previously was that I wasn't going to let my child's sleep schedule tie me down from getting on with my day or tasks I needed to do. If anything I thought the stimulation probably would help tire them out. 
• Both my children are not getting enough sleep and are most likely over tired. This probably explains why Eli is napping later in the day, Kai's really short day naps, early wake ups and resistance to sleep. These things impacts their behaviour and could be the reasons why Eli throws more melt downs than before, how defiant he's become and the frequency of his temper tantrums. They both need more sleep than how much they're getting now.  
• Choose a sleep training method that is best for us and Kai. I have asked a few people on how they over came their sleeping battles and then tried to enforce it on Kai with no success. I realised we need to figure out which method or components of various methods we're comfortable in doing and hopefully will work on Kai. Because what ever it is we need to be consistent in doing it for .... ever really. 

So armed with some info and motivation to really nip this in the butt we decided to do this. Looking at our calendar and our weekly schedule it seemed there's really no good time to start cause we're never just at home 24/7 for days on end. I do childcare drop off and pick up, Kai spends time with the grandparents, we have play dates with other kids, I need to do the groceries etc. So we decided to just start now. It's like diet and exercise, there's always excuses why not and there's no time like the present. 

So next few days will document how we go with our journey. Hopefully its not too painful or take too long.

You can read about our first couple of day's experience here.

March in Review

• 5/03 - Date night and we were able to watched a live stand up performance of comedian Dave Chappelle in town. Funny guy but I think the stuff he use to do on his tv series were funnier. 
• 6/03 - Wedding rehearsals for Eli. He was the coin bearer for one of our closest friend's wedding. He did okay although he was a bit shy on the day. I shouldn't have woken him up from his nap a few minutes before game time, he was in a bit of a mood.
• 8/03 - An awesome wedding for an amazing couple. These two people are like family to us. We've known them individually for years and shared many funny memories with them and can't wait to share more. 
• 10/03 - Another date night this time to see Bruno Mars. I'm glad we got to see him now cause I predict he's just going to get better and bigger in the music industry. 
• 14/03 - My best friend's baby is born. Their baby is ridiculously cute he has so much hair ... Kai's jealous. So happy for this couple and I don't know if other mothers feel this but, it's nice when a close friend also enters motherhood. Its like this unspoken secret society that your friend is now part of. There's like this other layer of conversation topics and emotions that you guys can now have.  
• 22/03 Kai's Dedication. We along with our families and a few friends dedicated our son Kai to God. 
• My baby sister surprised me and everyone else except my sister and mum, by coming back home to be present for Kai's dedication. It was great to have her back from the UK even if it was just a little over a week. She finally got to meet Kai!
• This month I noticed I discussed other components of parenting besides just talking about how I feel or what my boys were up to. Don't get me wrong I still do a lot of that but this month I just had other things to say. 

March was really busy for us. Almost every weekend we had back to back events to attend. It's nice to keep busy but with two young children I worry they may be getting over tired sometimes.  

The Family Dynamics .. 6 Months On

It's been six months since our little family of three became a four. Logically to me we're still a little family. When I say little I mean it's because we're all so young. When I say young I mean because we have two very young children and Ian and I are still "young" at this whole parenting gig.

We've only been a family of four for six months but it feels a lot longer sometimes. Then sometimes I watch my boys and think when did they grow this big. How did six months fly pass me?

I just look at Eli and his growth amazes me. Yes, he's no longer a baby. In my eyes he "grew up" the moment I came home from the hospital with Kai. 

He talks back to me and bosses me around like an adult that's for sure. Sometimes in public when he's throwing one of his tantrums and telling me off I wonder what other people must be thinking. The judgement on my child, my parenting, what they would do if they were in my situation. But I understand he's just trying to communicate the best way he. 

So obviously Eli is very vocal. He talks a lot, he's very easy to speak to and he understands .. a lot. He's one smart cookie. 

Eli loves music. He loves Bruno Mars, he loves the new drum kit his lolo got him and he has an ear for music and rhythm. Whenever we're in the car the radio has to be on and when he hears a song he likes he'll say "turn up the musics" 

Eli is more self sufficient which is great especially since Kai needs me more now. I can leave him alone to his own and he'll roam back and forth the house entertaining himself somehow. Whether it's with his train set, ipad, crayons or drum sticks he'll find something to do for a few minutes then moves on. 

He's no longer crying at childcare drop off's nor saying he doesn't want to go. He confidently uses the toilet on his own sometimes refusing any help with number two's, and he hates washing his hands. I think he may be ready to drop the afternoon nap as he hasn't really been taking it the past several days and if he does it's really short and late in the day. 

Kai, well those first six months flew. At his six monthaversary date we unintentionally planned his dedication day. Will do a post and share some photos when I get them. 

Kai is growing so quickly. And what I mean by growing is he's ... growing. He's a nugget. A solid, heavy, squishy baby. We've started giving him some food even before he was  months only because he seemed ready for more than just my milk. Any food near his mouth is subjected to his attempts to lung forward or pull it towards his mouth. 

Kai's an observer. Always looking up or down or over to the side. He smiles at those who attempt to make him laugh. He cries when I'm physically too far away from him, even if its to grab something from the other side of the room. He's walking aided by a walker. He rolls from the front of the house to the back and into every room he can squeeze into. He makes this funny grunting gurgling noise. He gravitates to his kuya, he does no wrong in his eyes. He still needs assistance to fall sleep, which is weighing us down now. We can't continue with this behaviour for too much longer its not feasible. His hair is growing but he's also still losing some as well. He's finally rolling from his front to his back but unintentionally. He usually achieves this when he's had enough of tummy time and arches his back in annoyance and surprises himself with rolling over to his front. Kai has eczema mostly around his neck. I think it's from all the drooling he does. He has beautiful eyes that smile and long girly eye lashes. 

I'm starting to give myself some priority again. I allow myself to be completely childless for a few hours at least once a week. I'm starting to feel motivated again about ... everything. I've even signed up to a box ... more on that ... one day. 

It's getting a little ... trickier raising the boys. They both demand me and challenge me in different ways. Eli's increasing inquizitiviness to question and test everything and nurturing Kai's development ensuring we're as attentive and allowing him to flourish.

It's been busy around the house too. With events to keep our weekends occupied, a few home improvements with Ian's investment property and little projects here and there its no wonder that these past few months seemed to have flown by. 

Seeds into the First Child Syndrome

Eli's currently going through a "Mine!!" phase. Now that Kai can grab or hold onto things, if Eli catches Kai even looking at something of his, he automatically reminds his little brother that it's "Mine!". As a parent when you hear this, you instinctively respond with "Share." This is usually met with hesitation and irritation, but all you want to achieve is for your child to understand, and begin to embody the value of sharing.

I was reflecting on this. Being the eldest of three girls, I too was taught to share all the time. My younger sister and I are also roughly two and a half years apart, so my earliest memories already include her. Fast track into my troublesome teens, and my constant complaint about being the eldest was I felt that my sisters got away with everything. People who only have one other sibling, and are of the opposite sex won't understand this feeling, because the dynamics are different. At the time I didn't know how to articulate, or explain what I meant when I said they got away with everything, but now as a parent I've realised "sharing" contributed to this feeling. Let me explain. 

Sharing. Even as I searched for a definition in google, it's defined as "have a portion of something with another or others." Sharing gives you the notion that you don't own something, that you forgo it as completely yours, like a birthday cake. The cake is for you but it's not completely yours as you will ultimately share it with others. 

By telling a toddler he has to "share" all the time he's probably losing his sense of control. Something they test and want more of, especially during this phase of their life. But being the eldest sharing is something he's got to live with for the rest of his life. So hearing it, feeling that you don't ultimately own anything, over the years would have an impact on a person. 

Growing up the concept of sharing and other "eldest child" behaviours and beliefs was drilled hard into my core, so much more than my younger sisters. I felt a sense of not being treated fairly because there was an expectation on me to show behaviours above my siblings, to be a certain example.  

I've come to realise I'm doing what I hated being done to me. I've made the conscious decision that I want to change the way I deliver the "sharing" message. Already I see Eli has some of my character traits. I don't want Eli to feel like he's lost ownership when he's sharing, and when Kai is old enough the weight of sharing will be equally distributed. My dear sister still thinks that I need to share with her. I wont go into reasons why I'd argue that I don't agree with that now, but ultimately I think its because my parents didn't emphasise that she too also had to share ... with me. Sharing is a 50/50 transaction, not a responsibility of one. 

  

I don't want to teach Eli that sharing is something he has to do, like its a burden. I want to get him to understand that sharing is something we do because we want to, because it's right. One of the ways I think I will achieve this is through what I say when I'm asking him to share. I will stop responding with just "Share!" when I see him snatch something off his brother's hands. Instead explain and use words to get him to understand, and willingly share what he has with his brother - I know there will be times I will fail at achieving this hypothesis.

10 Useful Gifts to Give First Time Mums

Is it just me or does it seem like everyone is having babies? I thought last year there were so many babies born, mine included, but this year is fairing up to be more baby booming than the last.

Babies usually also mean baby showers and I love celebrating the up coming arrival of a new bub. I don't know if it's all the oestrogen but there's just so much love in the room. The day is usually filled with quirky games, delicious bite size foods and adorable gifts for bub. 

When it comes to gift giving sometimes its hard to know what to get the mother to be. Having two bubs myself I've unravelled what one really needs in preparation for her new baby. Besides the obvious items such as a cot, stroller, car seat etc I've compiled a list of my top 10 useful things to give a first time mum.

1. Baby Wipes. Not only are they used to wipe dirty bottoms but be used to clean your hands before you touch your baby, rub off the vomit your baby just made on your shirt, wipe down a toy you dropped on the floor  ... the list goes on. A mother can never have enough of this muti purpose item. 

2. Nappies. A newborn goes through 6-8 nappies a day. Nappies will definitely be used and appreciated. A lot of people opt to getting newborn nappies, however some babies quickly out grow this size. If you know the gender of the expected baby you could gift the next size up nappies, so that mother to be is not bombarded with so many of the same size.

3. Wraps. After leaving the hospital with Eli the one thing I felt totally confused about was how to wrap him. Every midwife who came into my room at the hospital taught me a different way which totally confused me. Wraps like the Love to Swaddle or Ergo range helps keep baby snug and warm without the headache of trying to learn a wrapping technique. 

4. Breast Pads. Mothers tend to go through a lot of these soft cotton pads especially once their milk comes in. They can be very expensive so its a gift option that a new breastfeeding mom will definitely need.

5. Bottles and Teats. Baby bottles are always a great gift but the mother to be is going to need an array of teats to cater for milk flow. As a newborn your baby will need teats that only have one hole but as they get older and demand a stronger flow, teats with more holes need to be purchased to accommodate baby's needs.

6. Bottle Steriliser. New born babies need their bottles and any item that will make contact with their mouth or food source sterilised. Their tummies are very sensitive at first and does not have the maturity yet to fight the bugs associated with everyday germs. There are various types of microwaveable and electric steriliser options available. Either option does the same job effectively, it's just a matter of preference. However, I opted for a steriliser that does not take too long to sterilise.

7. Towels. Baby towels are an item most people totally forget about. Sure you could use the same towels you have at home but you have this new baby with soft delicate skin. You don't want to use the same towels you have at home that's been used and abused. What I love about baby towels is that there is usually a hoodie on one corner so you can cover the baby's head, which will keep them warm.

8. Breast Pump. I breastfed my babies and yes it's the best and easiest source of food for my babies. It meant however, my babies were like a ball and chain. Unable to be away too far or too long for feeds. Sure the first few weeks or months are doable, but life moves on and you will be freed from house arrest one day. Until your baby is on formula or solids you still need to provide sustenance to your baby while you escape for a few hours. A breast pump allows a mother to express milk for when she's away from her baby. I have used a hand pump before but I was exerting all this effort and time to produce so little milk. I then decided to invested in a decent electric pump and it has saved me my sanity. It does the job so much more efficiently than if you did it manually and I was getting more milk in a fraction of the time. 

9. Bottle Drying Rack. Once baby bottles have been washed and sterilised you need to let them dry somewhere. And like my household there isn't a lot of sink space for all our dishes and baby's bottles. A drying rack is really handy as it allows mothers to allocate a space for drying baby's bottles and teats.

10. Baby Carrier. Newborns love to be physically close to their mothers and or be held. However we all know we cant carry our precious babies all day everyday. Carriers or slings are available to allow mothers (and fathers) to still hold their baby handsfree. They're useful when your baby wants to be held but you need to get some house chores done or an alternative to lugging around a stroller when you're out.

So these are my top ten items I found useful when I first became a mother. Some items I identified as something I needed, but some I only discovered when I was in the thick of newborn parenting.

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The Downside to Breastfeeding

New mothers are educated and encouraged to really give breastfeeding a go when their new baby arrives.

I breast fed Eli until he was seven months old and I'm still currently breastfeeding Kai.

We hear and read about all the benefits of breastfeeding, which I totally agree with but I want to put down a list of the "cons" if you like of breastfeeding, based on my personal experience.

The not so glamour side of breastfeeding include ...

• Your boobs get bigger. Sure for someone who didn't have any breasts prior to children / breastfeeding, probably see this as a pro. But for me, someone who has spent years trying to cover up as much as possible, the extra cup size or two kills me. Not only do you need to buy an array of new bra's (sports, t-shirt, strapless, maternity), but your pre-pregnancy tops don't sit quite properly or in my case don't fit until you cease breastfeeding. 
• Leakage. Admittedly I haven't had any leakage accidents in public but my bed sheets have not been so lucky. Breast milk stains. Yes, stains are easily removed but I was very surprised to learn they stain almost every surface it hits such as cotton, tiles and hard wood. 
• Cost of breast pads. Like normal menstrual pads these pieces of cotton aren't cheap and the cheap one's don't do a go job, must be made of synthetic fibres as I found them to be itchy and once full smelled horrible.  
• Breast tenderness or soreness when you haven't emptied them out for a few hours.
• Expressing milk for when your baby will be looked after by other people. Personally I don't find expressing the issue but the process is quite tedious. Figuring out how many bottles you need to ensure there is enough while you're away, timing it so you express in between feeds and the storage. 
• Your breasts are never the same. Everyone is different. Some say their breast are better post pregnancy, but for me after the first time, I noticed a change and I'm only assuming after this round it'll change some more.  
• Sure you can breastfeed your child at anytime, but it can be a juggling act to be able to do it discretely in public. First time I barely did it in public, always carry a bottle of expressed milk with me just in case I couldn't find a private room to breastfeed. This time around I purchased a really awesome wrap and do it where ever and whenever I need to. My current wrap is great it's like a poncho and covers my front and back so I don't have to worry about someone seeing me from behind. However this time around my child hates being under the wrap. Kai's so creepy sometimes he just stares at me when he feeds. He'll smile too but usually he stares. 
• Can't wear dresses. My outfit of choice prior to children was dresses. I love love dresses! When you're breastfeeding you can't wear a dress. Not one that won't allow you to pull the top part down. How would you feed your child? Unless you're willing to get naked to do so. 

They sold me the story that women have been breastfeeding for centuries and is the best gift I can give to my baby, but it sure isn't easy. 

Do you have any other examples of the unglamorous side to breastfeeding?