9 Jan 2013

Reasons why I haven't been blogging

I know, I know ... I've been pretty poor with the lack of posts lately. You would think someone who isn't working would have all the time in the world to be able to post regularly ... wrong!

One of the main reasons I haven't posted is hubby is still on leave and I rather not waste his precious holiday time blogging, I can do that when he's at work. That said I've also been utilising his time off to get some help around the house. Not just with Eli but general house keeping and home improvements. We're still unpacking and rearranging our home since our move in October.

One reason why I haven't been able to blog is Eli has been very needy and is my constant shadow lately. I think he's reached that point, the point where a child only prefers one parent in particular and only wants to be with that one parent. Ian has to physically peel him off me when he tries to take Eli away from me. My ever move he wants to be close restricting me to do much at all, hence why Ian's presence has been very usefully lately.

Another reason why he wants extra cuddles is the poor guy hurt himself really bad on Monday. One minute he was eating his potato gems watching tv, next he turned 180 degrees, loss his balance and landed face first on the tiles. There was a big cut on his chin and blood coming everywhere in his mouth. At first I thought he had bitten through the skin of chin. While we tried to cease the blood Ian thought maybe he lost some of his teeth but he soon realised the solid bits he could feel were the potato gems.

Straight away Ian wanted to take him to the doctors. My first instinct was to clean him up and assess the injury but seeing the amount of blood still flowing I agreed to go to the doctors. I suggested to go to his local doctors at The Practice, but he insisted to go to the local hospital.

Later on as I recalled that events of that day, it was interesting how we processed the same situation. I wanted to wait and see how bad it was, believing it wasn't that bad and he was at the other side of the scale, straight to the hospital. Growing up no one in our family ever went to the hospital for any reason. Yes that is a good thing and knock on wood it continues ... but we just didn't jump to those measures. We normally just dealt with whatever pain or sickness we had with a sense of ... strength, will power, apathy. Those were the kind of values that were instilled in me and makes me the person I am today but is it the kind of values I want to teach Eli or my children?

I believe how we react to all situations is fundamentally the same. How we react is based on our personality, characteristics and values. It's hard to act one way towards a situation and act differently in another situation. My attitude towards physical pain is a reflection on how I deal with emotional pain ... strength, will power, apathy. Yes there is no harm in containing these values, but the values I wasn't taught but (still) learning to exhibit are attributes to balance out the bleak characteristics.

I was taught to be tough in all situations, to show no emotions, no weakness. It's this attitude which has helped and failed me throughout my life. I won't talk of the good it has done because those who know me personally know how I am and how my personality has helped me in certain situations. The repercussion of my characteristics has hindered me from asking for help when I needed it, speaking up when I've had enough or hurting others because I wouldn't waive my behavior. Those are the kinds of lessons learnt I actually want to teach my children. It's not all about being strong minded but being able balance the right characteristics between defiant and humbleness.

Well this post was a surprise. Here I was just planning to write a short update on reasons why I have been MIA, update (and potential post) other draft posts I have written about other topics i.e. holidays, managing money, allergies but ended up writing what was going through my mind at this point in time. So I'll post it, complete with all grammatical and spelling errors, enjoy. Exhaustion has suddenly hit me now, goodnight.        
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