12 Feb 2012

First Week Back

This entry is way over due so I'll just add to it. 

Just to digress .... When I re read my old blogs I noticed I wrote about non trival things that it just wasting space on the world wide web. I regretted not writing about real emotions and experiences I had at the time so I could reflect on them in the future. So now for this blog I find myself starting an entry and saving so I can add to it when I have more time to do so ....

My first week back I only worked 2 days but it was enough. I wish I only worked 2 days a week. So last week was my first full week of work. The week does not fly like I was hoping it would, to me it still felt like a full 5 day working week.

On Tuesday I really missed being around my son. I think the ridiculous 2 hours it took me to get home that day didn't help. I miss being around him all day. Leaving Eli to be looked after by family wasn't my issue its not seeing him grow and witness all his first's is what breaks my heart. This period of his life is only a small window of time and I wish I was present 24 hours a day. When I am with him I could stop and just be around him. It's such a odd feeling. I am (and still is) such a "like to keep busy" person but when it comes to my son, I'm content to just be still and be in his space. Of course the stuff I need to get done is always on my mind whirling around while I'm with him, but when I know he wants to play I'm more than willing to play with him. Any task that needs to be done can wait. 

I wonder if this feeling will ever fade? The downside to my over attention to Eli is the mis perception Ian gets that Eli favours me more. I've noticed his made this comments and forming this kinda of attitude may result in him not trying as hard as he thinks I am enough. I remind him constantly that this period in our child's life is only a short season of time and its best we enjoy it as much as we can. Time will fly so quickly and next thing you know they're old enough to not want to do anything with us.

Oh Eli I wish I could keep you as a a baby forever. You're so perfect and adorable.

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