Out of office effective immediately!

Yesterday I received some unexpected news that has changed my current situation. 

At 10am my boss' fill in (as she is currently on leave) another manager, sent me a meeting invite for 2pm. No meeting subject or info just request to attend an important meeting. He was on communicator so I ping-ed him asking him what it was about. He replied with "all will be reviled at 2pm." At first I thought it was a continuation of last week's incident he got involved in to mediate. Long story short I brushed the feathers of the Business Program Manager and the last straw was a rude email to me which she included other colleagues so I raised it with my bosses fill in. I thought maybe this was a new tactic of the Business Program Manager, to including him or bring him on all issues. 

2pm arrived. As I walked in the meeting room I saw about half a dozen IT staff members, all IT managers, HR and the Head of Operations and Technology was in the room .... straight away I knew what this was about. He went straight to the point, the reason we were all there was to tell us as of 31st December 2012 our roles are being made redundant.

I was (and still am) in shock and just speechless really. Did not see this coming at all. The news is still sinking in. I'm not upset .... (yet?) I'm just surprised.

I'm surprised as to why me. I did ask that question. Unfortunately the manager who sat in on the meeting between HR and I could only speak on her reasons or process of elimination on how she was able to determine who from her staff was to be made redundant. Their reason is budget and cutting down on projects. They identified which projects they will be working on next year, which staff are being allocated to those projects and who isn't allocated. Fair formula but I'm part of the second biggest project globally for Marsh. How did I not make the cut? Actually two of us who are both reporting to the same manager and on the project didn't make the cut. They just lost their knowledge source and key business contact for one of the main systems implemented in October and who spec-ed out the upcoming commercial version of the same tool. Prior to the meeting I was in the middle of QA testing and so far have raised 18 defects. I'm surprised of their decision but it's their decision and when my boss comes back I want to hear her reasons as to why me. I deserve that at least.      

Because of all the issues and politics related to the project I'm glad its all done with now. I would dread Monday's, complain and take out my work frustrations on Ian - it's all over now and I got to leave it cold turkey i.e no hand over and with a severance pay too.   

So what now? The timing was fortunate with Ian currently on leave so we can enjoy his time off together as a family. Christmas and New Year are only a few days away so will relax and enjoy the festive season. I think I might actually take a few months off and stay home with Eli .... maybe start baby number 2 hahahaaa. Ian's response was if only we stuck to his plan which was to have baby number 2 around about Eli's birthday this news would have been perfect, ha!

Things happen for a reason. I see this as an opportunity. There are events in life that push us to take that leap and I'm ready to jump. 

A Rock & A Hard Place

The project I'm on is expected to go live next month. So work has gotten really busy and demanding lately. I'm not really complaining, its expected working in projects.

I've been working on the same application since I commenced my employment. Same system just rolled out to another country. It's not that challenging anymore and I'm keen to learn something else and work with someone else besides the Project Manager who has been working on the same projects as well.

I don't agree with how this person runs or "manages" projects. Yes she completes the project but I think the quality of the outcome to me falls short in most areas. She focuses on components of the project which I think are trivial or in my opinion below what she should be worrying about. She deflect any responsibility of issues and rarely suggest solutions. When she talks to people she assumes they have the same knowledge as she does yet refuses to share any information. She makes decisions on behalf of the business based on her experience and knowledge of the company but she's not the business so it shouldn't be her call.

I guess now that we're at that phase in the project where all the components are being tested and questioned, there are many holes. Holes I think are her responsibility to have identified and mitigated, holes that I believe she should focus her time on closing instead of telling off the vendor cause the test environment is always down.

It's hard to work in an environment where you don't agree with the approach of a superior team member. I've worked in enough projects to know how to manage stakeholders expectations, realise when an approach is working or not working, identify processes for mitigating risks and when there's a poor project manager managing the project. It's even harder when this person is like office furniture in the company, that is they've been there forever. So its even harder to convince her to try new things or get other people to doubt her because of her loyalty to the company. 

The Changing World of Business

I've come to realise the growing number of people I know who are starting businesses online either through the form of an online store or blogging with the view to market and get paid to say wonderful things about other companies products. 

Just this week a major media company announced it will be changing its manufacturing and distribution to reflect the changing landscape of how people want its product.

The internet has allowed people to start companies with little capital and with hard work and persistence grow their small idea into one of the major competitors in their field. 

All of this obviously gets me thinking about me and my "brilliant idea" ... or at least wonder when it will come intuition. 

I thought I wanted to start a dessert table company but everyone is doing it now. It has turned me off / scared me into pursuing it. I also realised it requires a fair amount of out lay initially which unless you have paying customers then it does hit the pocket considerably, something I can't afford now with a baby. I guess I feel a sense of envy and urgency to get my sh!t together and seriously start something ... anything!! 

Meetings & Motherhood

I'm writing this post whilst on the bus, via my iPhone (which is on 8% battery life) trying to make it on time to my 8am meeting. Firstly, I will never agree to an 8am meeting again. Why for a number of reasons 

1. I live roughly an hour away from the city now so the commute is longer then when I was living in Crowie. And when I say it takes an hour to get into town, this is assuming there is no traffic. 
2. Trying I get up early with a seven month old baby is physically challenging as I can't predict how well he did or didn't sleep the night before. 
3. I hardly get any sleep as it is. So when I woke up at 6.14am this morning realising I should have woken up an hour and 14mins ago I quickly put on what I could find, slapped I some make up and ran out the door. I briefly saw my reflection on the bus this morning and I look like I just woke up.  

In my books looking like I didn't "make an effort" is considered unacceptable. I recall meeting up with SD for lunch one day after she returned to work from her maternity leave. I remember she looked tired, frazzled and "mumsie". I thought to myself at that time 'when I have kids I wont look like that. I'm still going to care about how I look before I step out of the house'. I think it's not that she wasn't trying she just had a million and one things to do for everyone else and had no time for herself. 

Well that's how I feel. There were still a million and one things I could have done before I left the house this morning. Tasks ensuring the household is prepared for tomorrow's challenges. It's a juggling act, physically draining and at times unguided but I guess you just have to suck it up and do it. 

They say motherhood is one of the most challenging tasks in life. They weren't wrong. I believe the reason why woman (most) are natural multi taskers. It an inbuilt trait you're going to need when you start a family. 

It's 7.38am and we're crossing the bridge. Maybe I will make it on time to my 8am meeting after all. Two more work days until the weekend.

First Week Back

This entry is way over due so I'll just add to it. 

Just to digress .... When I re read my old blogs I noticed I wrote about non trival things that it just wasting space on the world wide web. I regretted not writing about real emotions and experiences I had at the time so I could reflect on them in the future. So now for this blog I find myself starting an entry and saving so I can add to it when I have more time to do so ....

My first week back I only worked 2 days but it was enough. I wish I only worked 2 days a week. So last week was my first full week of work. The week does not fly like I was hoping it would, to me it still felt like a full 5 day working week.

On Tuesday I really missed being around my son. I think the ridiculous 2 hours it took me to get home that day didn't help. I miss being around him all day. Leaving Eli to be looked after by family wasn't my issue its not seeing him grow and witness all his first's is what breaks my heart. This period of his life is only a small window of time and I wish I was present 24 hours a day. When I am with him I could stop and just be around him. It's such a odd feeling. I am (and still is) such a "like to keep busy" person but when it comes to my son, I'm content to just be still and be in his space. Of course the stuff I need to get done is always on my mind whirling around while I'm with him, but when I know he wants to play I'm more than willing to play with him. Any task that needs to be done can wait. 

I wonder if this feeling will ever fade? The downside to my over attention to Eli is the mis perception Ian gets that Eli favours me more. I've noticed his made this comments and forming this kinda of attitude may result in him not trying as hard as he thinks I am enough. I remind him constantly that this period in our child's life is only a short season of time and its best we enjoy it as much as we can. Time will fly so quickly and next thing you know they're old enough to not want to do anything with us.

Oh Eli I wish I could keep you as a a baby forever. You're so perfect and adorable.

      

Last Few Days

I think its been about 7 days since my last entry and I've been a very busy bee filling my days with much excitement. 

Firstly Ian and I are finalising the details of our Europe holiday. After several months of complaining (mostly on my part) about never being to Europe we've bit the bullet and decided we're doing it .... this year. We have decided on a 4 week Europe trip comprising of London, Paris, Rome, Athens and Santorini. I can't wait until August which is when we're planning to leave. We've decided not to bring Eli and after his needy and cranky self last week I was content on that decision. I know I will change my mind over and over again before then, but Europe is what I want, so probably best not to bring Eli to minimise risk and maximise the fun and experience. 

I've got my first client for my business. This party was actually the party I wanted to launch my business off when I first thought of the idea and I'm surprised it's actually happening. I'll be preparing a dessert table for little miss TA's combined first birthday and dedication. Because I don't bake I approach Amor Creations to bake cupcakes, macaroons and cake pop's for me. I told her about my business plan and asked for a discount for future orders. She then told me she has had people inquiring about dessert tables recently and will forward my details going forward. She even offered to lend me her equipment if I like. I am so happy and thrilled! 

Yesterday we got some family shots taken. PS took some lovely shots of us at Bicentenial Park in Homebush. I can't wait to see all the images and blow some of them up to hang up in our home. Here's a sneak peek at some of my favourites.

 

Another event that took place this week was my meeting up with my boss to discuss my back to work arrangement. Looks like I will be going back to work 1 February. Fortunately I was able to go back four days a week. She couldn't give me three but was will to negotiate four days for the next six months. After six months we will discuss whether I still want to do four days or jump back to full time. 

I've got mixed emotions about returning to work. I want to go back for the financial reasons and the predicability., The difference with being a mother and working is with work there is an end and result - you know when it's done. Looking after children is totally different - it's unpredictable, all consuming and on going. 

However now that its almost time to go back to work, I feel like I'm getting the groove with motherhood now. It takes awhile to adjust and don't get me wrong I've had moments where I wished I wasn't here. But it's only now I sense my baby can communicate in their baby way that I understand what he wants, we're slowly getting into a routine, I'm able to juggle looking after him and house work and he's changing me into a better person. I'm less stressed and more loving because of him. I'm not looking forward to going back to work but I want to set up for a comfortable life and be an example to my child(ren).

 

Eating My Words

It's December and we all know this month just flies. Then it'll be January and then 1st February 2012 meaning I go back to work. Where did my 6 months of maternity leave go? 

Firstly some background. I started working for my current employer in 7 September 2010. I found out I was pregnant in November and my expected due date was August 7 2011. A month shy of my 12 month continuous employment therefore short of any maternity leave entitlements. My employer offered to hold my title while I go on "extended leave" but for only 6 months. So I must return in 6 months if I want my job back. 

Before going on leave I already felt this was a tough decision. There is the financial benefits to returning back to work but the guilt knowing my baby will only be 6 months when I go back. 

Before having a baby I never cared to understand reasons why mothers stayed at home to look after their children. I consider myself a logical thinker so yes it make sense if you have multiple children, you earn below a certain salary and from a tax perspective it make sense not to work. But the whole staying home cause you want to "be the one to care for your children," you don't really understand that concept until you've had a child. 

For me now I would love to be the one to look after Elijah, especially at this stage of his life. I feel there is no one else who will love him and watch him with as much attention as I would. I want to be there to witness all his first's, teach him how to do things and spend all day with him. I fear although he'll be looked after by family he'll be put in a corner some where and only efforts to keep him quiet will be made instead of enhancing his development. 

Right now I'm happy to play with him all day, I don't make many plans and I get to things when I can - complete 180 to how I was four and a half months ago. I choose to pick him up every time he cries, I choose to hold him while he sleeps so he can feel close to me and I choose a method of nurturing some people might not have the patience for. Everyone is so busy with what they got going in their lives I worry looking after Eli will be a task instead of a commitment.