Out of office effective immediately!

Yesterday I received some unexpected news that has changed my current situation. 

At 10am my boss' fill in (as she is currently on leave) another manager, sent me a meeting invite for 2pm. No meeting subject or info just request to attend an important meeting. He was on communicator so I ping-ed him asking him what it was about. He replied with "all will be reviled at 2pm." At first I thought it was a continuation of last week's incident he got involved in to mediate. Long story short I brushed the feathers of the Business Program Manager and the last straw was a rude email to me which she included other colleagues so I raised it with my bosses fill in. I thought maybe this was a new tactic of the Business Program Manager, to including him or bring him on all issues. 

2pm arrived. As I walked in the meeting room I saw about half a dozen IT staff members, all IT managers, HR and the Head of Operations and Technology was in the room .... straight away I knew what this was about. He went straight to the point, the reason we were all there was to tell us as of 31st December 2012 our roles are being made redundant.

I was (and still am) in shock and just speechless really. Did not see this coming at all. The news is still sinking in. I'm not upset .... (yet?) I'm just surprised.

I'm surprised as to why me. I did ask that question. Unfortunately the manager who sat in on the meeting between HR and I could only speak on her reasons or process of elimination on how she was able to determine who from her staff was to be made redundant. Their reason is budget and cutting down on projects. They identified which projects they will be working on next year, which staff are being allocated to those projects and who isn't allocated. Fair formula but I'm part of the second biggest project globally for Marsh. How did I not make the cut? Actually two of us who are both reporting to the same manager and on the project didn't make the cut. They just lost their knowledge source and key business contact for one of the main systems implemented in October and who spec-ed out the upcoming commercial version of the same tool. Prior to the meeting I was in the middle of QA testing and so far have raised 18 defects. I'm surprised of their decision but it's their decision and when my boss comes back I want to hear her reasons as to why me. I deserve that at least.      

Because of all the issues and politics related to the project I'm glad its all done with now. I would dread Monday's, complain and take out my work frustrations on Ian - it's all over now and I got to leave it cold turkey i.e no hand over and with a severance pay too.   

So what now? The timing was fortunate with Ian currently on leave so we can enjoy his time off together as a family. Christmas and New Year are only a few days away so will relax and enjoy the festive season. I think I might actually take a few months off and stay home with Eli .... maybe start baby number 2 hahahaaa. Ian's response was if only we stuck to his plan which was to have baby number 2 around about Eli's birthday this news would have been perfect, ha!

Things happen for a reason. I see this as an opportunity. There are events in life that push us to take that leap and I'm ready to jump. 

That Itch..

Those who know me know I have a pretty extensive resume of employers even though I’ve only been working full time for about 8 years. Granted half of my resume consists of contract vacancies therefore the position is only available as long as the project has funding.

Last week the monthly Career Oppourtunities email got sent out and admittedly I do always have a look to see what’s available internally. Usually there’s nothing really up my alley, working for a brokerage firm most roles are either client, sales or administration based. Our IT department in Australia is small and in my opinion still in its infant stages. I say this cause the systems we offer are behind than say the retail side of finance but … I do work for a brokerage firm. Revolutionary technology is not their key business generating sales is. I think until the old school brokers, who don’t even touch a computer retire it’s really hard to change how things are done here … anyways …

I’ve been wanting to move into a different space for a long time now. I’ve been pondering on it for ages and I even made some efforts this year to “touch base” with someone in that area internally and just have a chat. Understand how our internal products differ to competitors, how their department works, roles and responsibilities and flat out ask for any upcoming vacancies. The department is actually in Melbourne which is fine as we are contemplating making a sea/state change.

So I saw this role. Its not quiet where I want to be but it sounds like a hybrid between IT and a role I want to move into … I think. I say this cause its in the project space but does not make any references to systems.  The role is in Melbourne. I’m keen to know more about it so last night I was dusting up my resume and cover letter.

I discussed it with Ian and he’s encouraging, wouldn’t have expected anything less.

I’m yet to apply but 12 hours since I made the decision to apply I’m now having doubts about sending through my application for a number of reasons:

• I’m over the project I’m on right now. Sick of working with someone in particular, sick of the politics involved in this project, sick of the lack of support, sick getting stuck doing tasks that are above and below my role and sick of being spoken to rudely. Don’t get me wrong everyone has those moments in their jobs but historically when I get to this point I move on. I’m a firm believer that sitting and whinging about it ain’t going to change the situation but do something about it will ... and I usually do something about it. And that’s my usual MO. I’ve was about to do that about 18 months ago when I was going through some personal issues but I realised that mantra has its boundries. Yes do something about a situation you’re not content about but before I do, assess whether its something I should change or channel more patience or a different attitude to be able to handle the situation better.
• Unofficially announced movement is happening in my department and maybe I should wait to see the outcome. Not that I’m worried my role is at risk nor do I think I would get a promotion either, but there’s been too many times I have moved on from an employer only to find out a few months later  the structure changes. I always question whether if I had stayed a little longer whether my working environment could have gotten better?
• I’m slowly building a network relationship with that “mentor” in the space I want to be in. If I take on a new role and an opportunity presents itself in his space would I be unable to leave my new role until a period of time?
• Just this morning I read a post from a blog I follow about the juggling act between life with a baby and work without having support of family members around. It got me thinking am I taking my situation for granted? Again coming back to the whole don’t take a knee jerk approach to things, is moving far away from our families best thing right now.

Should I just apply anyways and see what happens? Am I just subconsciously making excuses for myself so I can justify not pursuing an application?

Busy Bee

I've been meaning to write a few posts on here but I've been caught up with ... everyday life stuff. Work's busy (is it ever not for anyone), it's November so weekends are starting to fill up, still trying to get the house in order and the small amount of down time you do have I like to spend it bonding with my family instead of the computer.   

But most importantly it was my birthday last Wednesday!!

When I've got a few minutes to myself I'll write a detail post about my birthday ... and all the other everyday life stuff.

In the mean time I will publish a post I have sitting here waiting to be published.

Hope you all had a great (and not too busy) weekend.

Working From Home

Today and tomorrow I’m working from home. Long story short we thought we would be without a baby sitter this week but turns out my in laws arrive back from overseas earlier than we thought.

To allow me to actually do some work we’ve decided to let the little man stay with the in laws. So this means ..... I'm alone. 

I miss this feeling … have the whole house to myself ... getting some time to myself ... ahhh ....

Being one who likes to keep busy I do feel like I should multi task between working, doing the laundry and unpacking. I’m tossing up whether to go for a run now and do some groceries before 9am.

Or should I just sit in front of my laptop and multi task between checking work emails, online shopping, watching day time tv, blog and facebook since I don't have the luxury of not being disturbed all the time?

Hmm …. decisions ... 

Week in Review

Last week was a pretty busy week for me and my little house hold.

Work .... well its always busy in that space. However I feel like I’m winning more battles now - well last week in particular. Tasks and deliverables wise I’ve caught up on all the work that was pigeonholed for me to do while I was on holidays and I feel I'm on top of everything again.

I've been able to gained the business confidence in the system more - which is half the struggle in this project. I’ve ran some demos of a similar version of they system they would be getting and provided an opportunity for them to speak out on concerns they had on how it will change their world. Running the demos provided a platform for me to stand out in this project not only from a system knowledge perspective but an opportunity to network.

I’ve caught up with friends a few times this week, which is very rare for a mum pressed with time these days. On Thursday night stayed out in town to have dinner at this popular Thai restaurant for A’s birthday dinner. Although her birthday was actually earlier this month a girly get together was long over due. I think last time we were all together was before we all went on our overseas trips ... that must be pretty long ago considering we all traveled at different times for a period of 3-8 weeks apart.

On Saturday was J’s farewell BBQ before she heads off to Asia for some travelling and then Canada to try working overseas. I know she’s been talking about doing this for several years now so I'm glad that she’s making it happen. 

On Sunday was M’s bridal shower. Theme was burlesques and her bridesmaid did an awesome job in keeping in theme not just in costume but creating a beautiful space at the home of where the shower was held at. There was obviously some thought put into the menu, the decorations, the cutlery and even the game prizes.

What tired me out the most was the big move on the weekend. On Friday we had removalists move our stuff from storage to our property and thorough Friday and Saturday we continued to move any of the items we had left over from my parents place. The pack and moving I think is the easiest part the unpacking is the painful bit. Finding a place (or lack of) to store the stuff we had accumulated. I did a cull of things before I packed cause I didn’t want to bring it to the new place unless I was going to keep it and while I was unpacking I decided to do another cull and again there was even more stuff to be thrown or donated.

During the unpacking we soon realised we didn’t have a lot of things we thought we did. I either offloaded it to my sister who moved out of home same time as I moved in or we must have gotten rid of it last time we packed for example I can’t find our kitchen scissors?

Not only is the effort tedious but also not that easy when you have a 15 month old baby who either wants to hang around your ankles and interfere with what you’re doing cause he’s intrigue. Or need to check up on every time he walks off into a corner and has gotten quiet cause he’s found something, usually something dangerous to play with.

What goes through my mind as I'm unpacking is I know this isn’t the last time ... that’s the annoying part. Knowing you got to do this again, don’t know when - but its gonna happen.

I started analysing that notion and reviewed how many times I’ve moved since being married and how long of a period between each move:

·      December 2009 – moved into CN

·      17 months later (June 2011) moved to SH

·      16 months later (October 2012) moved to RH

As much as we’re actually creating this place to be more of a “home” for us, (cause we own the place we’re living in for once) I dread pulling it apart for when we do eventually move out again.

On the plus side I love having free range to put what where, personalising our space and spending money organising and beautifying our home. When we were living in CN we lived in such a shoe box that we hardly purchased any furniture in fear it wouldn't all fit. Now that we have a bigger place we can finally purchase some of those big ticket we’ve held off.

Where am I suppose to put all this stuff??

Do you hate moving? When was the last time you moved and what advice can you give to minimise the pain of unpacking?

It Takes a Village to Raise a Child

Yes it does. But what if your elderly village people had other plans for their golden years? I think this is the dilemma a lot of gen-y couples/mum’s are facing … well certainly what I’m experiencing.

Today, most couples both work and generate an income. Living in Sydney … no living in Australia, where mortgages out weighs salaries the need for the mother to return back to work after having a child is no longer a choice but a necessity to be able to afford some of the simple and basic commodities.

For many gen-y couples their parents may still be in full time employment unable to assist in the minding of the grandkids forcing their hand down the childcare route. Which again in Australia particularly in Sydney is ridiculously overpriced. Centres charging anything between $75-$130 per child per day depending on the demographics of the area, services you require or they offer, location of the facility and age of your child. Then there is the waiting list due to the limited spots for some of these centres with some suggesting to pre register even prior to conceiving.

At this point in time I’m very fortunate to have both my in-laws retired and my mom who has been a stay at home mom since I was 15 years of age, and my dad who is looking to retire within the next 6-12 months. So you think I’d have a sweet deal? You should hear the envy from fellow mother’s voice when they say “You’re lucky!”

However it’s not as great as it would seem. Our parents belong to a generation … heck I don’t even know what they’ve classified their generation as? … a generation that want to enjoy their retirement cruising on a cruise ship through the Caribbean or travelling back and forth between here and some place warmer on the winter months. A generation who wants to enjoy a care free life in their senior years since they've sacrificed and worked hard during their younger years. They have even come up with a mantra "SKI" which stands for Spend Kid's Inheritance.

I'm not saying they don't deserve to enjoy their senior years nor am I saying they should be forced to look after grandkids. My parents and in-laws travel regularly and I don’t see them easing up but then the demand to watch over the Eli will only increase as he gets older as well.

I’m hearing complaints. Complaints about how difficult and demanding he’s becoming and how tiring it is to look after him. I could blog on dissecting those statements, get all defensive about my son, make comparisons to what they did when they were in our situation and bring culture into it … but ultimately they’re doing us a favour – a great favour.

I wonder whether I should just stick him in childcare and not have to deal with these issues. The plan was always to send him to a childcare centre just not until he was a little older and not five days a week from the get go. 

It’s such a difficult issue cause we want everyone to be happy and taking action could offend people and we don’t want to offend family. We don’t want to impose but of course we want the support.

What to do? Has anyone been in our shoes and found a situation that worked for them?

In No Mood to Work

I don’t know why … could be cause I know my little sister’s wedding is on this weekend but I’m in a bludgy kinda mode. Could also be cause I’ve been working my butt off since I returned back to work from holidays and feel I’m entitled to relax a little bit.

It could be cause I’m actually feeling fatigue which is ironic. During our holiday we would be walking practically all day and out at night, but back home I commute 3 hours of the day (usually sitting in a seat), sit at a desk all day yet I'm feeling exhausted and run down.

Whatever the reason I’m in no mood to do any work – for the rest of today.

I even didn’t go for a run and had a longer lunch with this hottie ...

Bring on the weekend!!

Back to Work

I returned back to work on Tuesday (post labor long weekend) after 4 weeks off, to find as I expected little progress since I left. No surprise the project roll out didn't commence in my absence, but will next week. Although the reasons were due to hurdles the project had to overcome, a part of me feels like they were actually waiting for me to come back.

Again no surprise, heard my name was dragged in the mud, because I'm not there to defend myself, cause it's never the PM's fault for anything as she deflects any admittance to any mistakes.   

Anyways I'm not going to commit a post about her - well not this one.

So leading up to the first day back I felt a sense of dread that I've never felt towards a job before. I think it was because I knew the mess I had left and was not confident it would be fixed while I was away. I think also knowing I would be continuing to work closely with her added to my feeling of dread. 

Luckily I had an even shorter week only working 3/4 days. It helped the transition back to work a little bearable ... just a little bit.

Returning back to work just iterate how much I don't find joy in what I'm currently doing. I'm sure the project and the PM plays a factor but I don't know whether looking for a new role is what I need to do. I think finding my own business is where I want to head more towards so I can work my own hours and be with my family most of the day. I need to stop being complacent and really start the process of working for myself.

ALT + TAB

I hardly go online and “surf” at work because we’re at the busy phase of the project at the moment. But every now and then I want to surf. I generally switch between knowing my a current affairs, researching for July or August or snooping on friends. I hardly do it but the last 2-3 times I have done in this past week the CIO of IT has walked up behind me to ask a question. I’m sure he’s wondering ‘Do I pay her to just surf all day?’ Its too obvious if I alt + tab straight away. I just got to commit to being sprung and act like it’s no big deal, play it cool, act like don’t care he can see my Facebook page or Instagram.

So embarrassing.

Blogdentity

I've been writing in this blog for several months now. I've had reservations about sharing it to anyone I know in fears of being judged therefore not writing as freely however over the last few weeks everyone I know seems to be on the blog-wagon.

No they're not blogging about being a mum but they are blogging topics, hobbies and subjects that interests them. Good on them! 

I envy their consistency and confidence to put themselves out there but mostly I envy that they know their blogdentity. They know what topic(s) interests them and they're out there writing and sharing what they're passionate about. 

I've read other blogs that are more "feelings" based - I do and I do not want to go down that route. I do want to capture how I felt at various moments especially the emotions of being a new mother but I don't want to be so open that those who do accidentally discover my blog knows intimate stories about me and my family. 

I then start to think about what I'm passionate about and nothing really comes to mind. I like to try everything at least once, I get over things quickly and I don't claim to be perfect at anything. So I thought a little harder, came up with items I like to do in my spare time and this is what I came up with:

• Spending time with my son. Teaching and playing with him as much as I possibly can in hopes it's helping his motor skills.
• Surf the net for anything that comes to mind - research, reviews, update myself on a current affairs
• Online shopping and or window/screen shopping (where I look but don't buy anything) 
• Planning and organising stuff ... if something needs planning I have the right spreadsheet and plan to tackle it. I think subconsciously I try and find things to plan so I can keep myself occupied.
• Work out on P90X. I am now a firm believer the gyms are  a waste of money and if you have the right attitude and drive you can still work out, achieve your exercise goals without paying a monthly subscription to go a venue full of exercise equipment.
• Pretty dresses. I love dresses and wish it was summer all year round so I could wear dresses all the time (not that weather stops me from wearing them).
• Travel or more like exhibit travel envy. I try and see as much of the world or my country as much as I possibly can. Depending on my life and financial circumstance.
• Cooking and following a recipe, because I value documented requirements and process.
• Basketball, playing it not following it. 

So my blogdentiy is basically a blog about stuff that interests me from a range of topics and hobbies.

Eli's First Plane Ride

Work needed to send me to Melbourne for a few days. I had to run some workshops with various business stakeholders and gather some requirements.

So since I only work Monday's to Thursday's and I was going to be in Melbourne from Wednesday to Thursday we decided to take advantage of my long weekends and extend my stay in Melbourne up until the weekend and have Ian and Eli join me. 

I flew on Wednesday morning therefore I was alone for the first time in almost 10 months. I was even in another state meaning I should get the best sleep I could ask for. Instead I was uneasy and missed my boys too much. My body clock kicked in and I ended up waking at 5.30am anyways. 

Ian had the unfortunate task of getting himself and Eli to Melbourne. Fortunately it is only an hour flight and despite my fears I think Eli was alright. He was unsettled but more because he hates sitting still now. 

Our first trip as a family was ... in my opinion not too bad. Yes the whole time was a never ending 'tag team' relay but you get on with it and if you work together to plan it all out its really not that bad. I think the hardest part is getting him to sit in his stroller for long periods of time but once forced in and he realised he's in there for the long haul, he'd cave in and sleep.    

Overall we had a good time in Melbourne. It was good to get away as a family to test the water for future holiday's. Can't wait to take our son out to more exciting locations.

Eli enjoying the view in our hotel apartment

Weaning

I’ve decided to wean bubs off breast milk. I’m making this decision because I’m finding expressing at work annoying, time consuming and kinda embarrassing. I think the whole floor knows why I keep running to the first aid room two times a day. 

Last few days I’ve been reading up on how to do it so it’s comfortable and for me and Eli and I think the reason why he could be acting the way he is lately is because I am weaning. We’ve noticed when Ian and I are around he seems needy constantly wanting our attention, he isn’t sleeping well and his cries are different. These are some of the signs that maybe Eli isn’t ready for weaning. I know he’s taking the formula milk a lot better now. I guess cause he’s come to realise its either the formula milk or nothing else and he's eating solids more often too.

Another reason why I want to stop breast feeding is so I’ve slowly achieved it weeks or months before we leave for our holiday instead of forcing it when we are gone. I also don’t want to be carrying a pump with me on holidays going through the emotions of weaning while overseas.

Another interesting fact I discovered while doing some research is typically woman might feel a sense of sadness or distress and mood change during or after weaning has occurred. The reason is because our bodies stop producing prolactin which is a hormone that keeps you calm and relaxed. This probably explains why I have been so easy going and relaxed since the birth of Eli. Here I was thinking his birth has given me some peace and a new attitude towards things but the reality is I’m high on hormones. I’m worried about the affects on my behaviour once the affects fade away.

Busy Mum Excuse & Eli Update

Its been awhile since I’ve posted.

I now understand the mother excuse “when I get the time to do it”. There really isn’t enough time in the day, in the week to do everything you need to do. I get thorough my tasks as much as I can when I can. I literally start something, stop mid way through the task, then next minute start something else. The time frame between these cycles can be anything from a minute to several hours. This process is occurring for about 3-4 tasks simultaneously. No wonder I hardly sleep, no wonder I can’t sleep, no wonder I’m exhausted.

Eli has grown so much in the past few weeks. I look at him and I realise how quickly time is flying and he’s not that little fragile baby I took home July last year. He’s eating his home made baby food with such excitement. I’m so pleased he loves to eat and eat so much of it. I guess it there's some truth to what the midwife at the prenatal class suggested. Which was to continue to breastfeed and hold back introducing baby food as late as possible will set their tummies ready for solids. Eli is loving all the new foods in his diet.

He’s master the art of sitting on his own and standing up .. then grabbing onto anything that he can pull himself up on. I love walking into his room to find him standing up in his cot, smiling to see you. I also love walking in and finding him playing quietly in his cot with the limited toys he has in there.

He has a thing for edges and corners. He grabs corners of blankets and pillows. He’s fascinated by the corners of his play mat so much so he tries to pull it apart. He’s getting to that age where you can’t leave lost items too close or else his fast hands will quickly grab them. And that grip …. Where do babies have such strength?

It’s great having our families look after him especially in this critical stage of development. The only draw back is there are three different techniques of nurturing going on and this can be annoying when you’re trying to instill a process and routine. Before I went to work I could put Eli into his cot sleepy and he knew how to put himself to sleep. Now we’re finding this technique does not work. 

Here's a recent pic of the cheeky and growing little man

Raising Kids

My maternity leave time is almost over.

Those six months flew so fast although at the start they felt like the longest days ever. I recall the first month and the adjustment to the change in my life. There were times I feared certain times of the day like in the morning, trying to be as alert as possible for the early feeds as I did not get much sleep the night before. The afternoons the long hall trying to get him to settle enough to sleep and the evenings the juggling act of carefully placing him in his bassinet hoping not to wake him.

Reflecting on the last five months it seems sleep, or the lack of it for Eli and I was the key struggle we had.

We starting to prepare for my come back to work. We've spoken to both our parents about arrangement for Eli on days I am working. 

I think about whether I would be upset returning back to work. I know I'm going to miss being around  him all day but cry ... I don't know. I didn't even cry when I gave birth. I'll probably be sad and feel a sense of guilt, but what working mom doesn't feel that. 

As I enter back into work I reflect on how hard both my parents worked to raise us kids. There's one memory I have when I was in year one, there was a school event, a parade from memory where parents were invited to come to the school to watch. I remember wishing my parents were there to watch and how sad it made me feel that they weren't. I remember feeling envious of the other kids whose parents were there. I know my parents needed to work as hard as they did to ensure we lived in a comfortable home, went to good schools and provide as much as they possibly could. Our parents had to make sacrifices to give us the life we have now.

Of course I didn't understand that when I was young. All I ever felt growing up was how much more I wanted my parents to be around. How lonely I felt unable to open up to my family because we didn't talk. How so caught up they were in the daily grind that they were too exhausted to talk. 

Having a child has awaken the childhood feelings I've learnt to suppress. I reflect on the behaviours from my parents that I didn't understand or made me feel horrible. I want to ensure I avoid those pitfalls and raise my son differently to how I was raised. I want to build on a strong relationship built on open communication, patience and trust.                    

"Eli I don't want to go back to work I promise to give you as much attention as you need when I am around you. I promise to dedicate the time I'm with you to nurturing you and teaching you everything I know." - Love Mama