14 Dec 2011

Eating My Words

It's December and we all know this month just flies. Then it'll be January and then 1st February 2012 meaning I go back to work. Where did my 6 months of maternity leave go? 

Firstly some background. I started working for my current employer in 7 September 2010. I found out I was pregnant in November and my expected due date was August 7 2011. A month shy of my 12 month continuous employment therefore short of any maternity leave entitlements. My employer offered to hold my title while I go on "extended leave" but for only 6 months. So I must return in 6 months if I want my job back. 

Before going on leave I already felt this was a tough decision. There is the financial benefits to returning back to work but the guilt knowing my baby will only be 6 months when I go back. 

Before having a baby I never cared to understand reasons why mothers stayed at home to look after their children. I consider myself a logical thinker so yes it make sense if you have multiple children, you earn below a certain salary and from a tax perspective it make sense not to work. But the whole staying home cause you want to "be the one to care for your children," you don't really understand that concept until you've had a child. 

For me now I would love to be the one to look after Elijah, especially at this stage of his life. I feel there is no one else who will love him and watch him with as much attention as I would. I want to be there to witness all his first's, teach him how to do things and spend all day with him. I fear although he'll be looked after by family he'll be put in a corner some where and only efforts to keep him quiet will be made instead of enhancing his development. 

Right now I'm happy to play with him all day, I don't make many plans and I get to things when I can - complete 180 to how I was four and a half months ago. I choose to pick him up every time he cries, I choose to hold him while he sleeps so he can feel close to me and I choose a method of nurturing some people might not have the patience for. Everyone is so busy with what they got going in their lives I worry looking after Eli will be a task instead of a commitment.  
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