2 Jun 2014

Dear Sleep

I miss you.

I'm talking about deep seven hours plus sleep. It's been awhile since I've had a decent amount of it. Previously sleep was a past time for me ... I could do it all day. It's not just the act of sleeping I miss it's how I use to fall asleep I miss too. The curling up in bed cause its raining only to fall asleep a few minutes later; or the falling asleep watching episode after episode of some tv series I'm currently watching.

It's expected with a new born and the three or so hourly feeding, getting a solid night's sleep goes out the window. So technically I haven't had a good night's sleep since July 2011. 

Then there's the technology distractions that I bring with me into the bedroom. I tell myself I only want to check out Instagram but next thing I know I look at the time and realise I've been surfing for an hour.

I log offline, lie there in the dark, but then start thinking about the following day and the tasks I need to tick off, how I plan to achieve them and start prioritising.

In the process some thought or event will enter my head and I just mull over it for ages. Whether its dissecting an incident at the playground, wishing I said something else in response to what someone said to me earlier that day; or recalling what I had for lunch because Kai's skin is a little red and wondering whether it was something I ate. 

They say getting enough sleep is very important. Sleep is what your body needs to recharge itself allow you to keep doing what you do. Getting a decent amount of sleep is linked to mood, concentration and weight loss just to name a few. But over time I learnt I could still function on only a few hours of sleep. So I just accepted those days of sleeping uninterrupted for hours and sleeping in were a thing of the past .... but I still miss it. 

I miss deep sleep. Now, when I sleep I feel like my brain is half awake. Like when I hear one of the boys wake up early in the morning. My brain has registered the sound and what it means but I keep my eyes closed hoping I'm wrong and or they return back to sleep so I can too. 

I miss guilt free sleep. Like not caring whether I should start doing the laundry in case the weather is sunny or whether to get up now so I can take advantage of the boys asleep and get on top of some things. 

I miss sleeping with no noise in my head. I need to stop thinking too much at night. Just like exercising too late at night can energise and awaken your body, I think working and completing tasks at night over stimulates my mind preventing me from falling asleep. 

Don't get me wrong I get sleepy but it's usually never when the boys are both asleep, not that they sleep at the same time often. And if I do get the opportunity to sleep while they both are, I probably only get a fifteen minute nap because one has woken up.

Today, after a weekend away with the boys, walking, playgrounds, shops, eating unhealthy food, dodging crowds, late nights, sleeping in an unfamiliar environment, meaning not really sleeping ... I'm exhausted. I'm tired. I could do with more sleep but my mind (and my responsibilities) won't let me. 

Hopefully one day I'll really sleep again until then, Sleep I miss you. 

Any tips on how to mentally switch off before bed for a good night's rest?
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