18 Oct 2013

My Breaking Point

Today is the first day I feel like I've accepted defeat and let family take Eli for a few hours. Yes, I've left him with family before but its usually so I can run errands or get to an appointment. And I say defeat because emotions got the better of me. 

Today (due to his antics yesterday) I actually want him out of the house, out of my way for the simple reason that he's driving me ... to that point. That point I don't want to go to, that point I told myself when I entered motherhood I'd never go, that point I'll remember as a low point in my parenting if I reached it. The point I'm referring to is, basically my breaking point where I'd snap it and taking it out on him. So to avoid that point I need to put some space between me and the little guy and so today my parents took him away to the playground and back to their place to stay. Away from the potential monster inside of me I could unleash on him. 

Another first I realised was, today was the first time I've had any time alone with Kai. No kuya, no dad, no family members just me and the almost four week old hungry little hippo. Just the two of us enjoying a quiet home, me closely studying every inch of him and lying together in our bed without any fear that a small active toddler isn't going to climb up and jump all over us. 

My control freak nature needs to let these days happen more frequently. Whole days without Eli at home to let me bond with Kai, let me study, let me focus on my ideas but mostly to let me regroup mentally from all the giving and nurturing.

The last several months have been so busy in our home so for me, today has been long over due.

When was the last time you took some time to zone out from your everyday life? What do you do to re energise your mind?
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