9 Oct 2013

The New Family Dynamics

We've been a family of four for a few weeks and its quiet interesting the dynamics in the household now.

Firstly update on Kai. About 10pm the following night after his birth we returned back to the hospital. He had not passed urine at this point and so it was suggested we come into the hospital so they could monitor his kidneys. His early scans indicated he had dilated kidneys so it was something we needed to monitor at birth. We were instructed to go to the Special Nursery, this is where really sick or premature babies stay. It was hard seeing some of the babies in there they were so small and helpless. I know they're asleep but at times seem so lifeless lying in these enclosed glass incubators. And seeing their mothers weeping over their child. All I could do was swallow that big lump in my throat and contain my emotions. My heart goes out to them and the fears they must be experiencing.

We were given a private room to stay at over night so that I could come into the nursery every 3 hours to feed Kai. The following morning a group of doctors came into the nursery and reviewed him and his case. It felt like a scene from House, five doctors discussing his history, symptoms and coming up with diagnoses and recommendations. They conducted another scan on his kidneys and diagnosed that his dilation didn't need to be reviewed further so we were discharged that afternoon. A dilation of 7mm is considered a "red flag", Kai's dilation was only 1mm, a common result for a lot of babies apparently and is usually ignored because of the low rating.

Besides that initial hiccup he's been a dream. All he does is sleep and wakes for feeds (I hope I haven't jinxed myself now). It's the opposite from my first experience and its so refreshing to have a baby who loves to sleep. When I review all my past posts during the time Eli was a newborn all I did was complain about the lack of sleep we both were having and his unsettledness. Kai's a hungry little hippo and feeds often too. At that start I wondered whether he was getting enough milk because he was a lazy feeder but now he feeds well ... really well.

Eli well he's ... adjusting ... in his own way. Eli calls his brother "baybee k'hi" and I love it when he says it, its so cute. He loves holding him and asks to hold "baybee K'hi" often. He showers him with kisses and hugs I know he's so in love with his little brother already.

Eli is surprisingly not jealous. He doesn't seem bothered I'm holding another baby and he's more than happy to share my attention with someone else. I think it bothers me more that he's not bothered. But there was one time when my arms were free from Kai, he reached for a hug, climbed into my arms and said "I'm your baby now." You're always going to be my baby Eli, even your little brother.

We have noticed though a sudden increase in ... "cheekiness" in Eli and this is how we think he's coping with the change. Even when we instruct him not to do something and threaten him with 'time out' he still does it. Repeating instructions doesn't seem to work and he tries to push the boundaries each time. He's even more selective about when he wants to listen to us and either screams or sulks loudly when he doesn't get his way. We find ourselves tired not from the newborn but managing Eli's new behaviour. We want to correct him without the use of force or fear but it gets harder to keep your cool when we're constantly having power struggles with a two year old.
And mum and dad ... Well we're coping with the two little men. We still pinch ourselves that we have two gorgeous boys. If someone told me three years ago I'd be a parent of two, I wouldn't have believed it. These past few weeks I couldn't have survived without my husband, his presence has been a great help. It really is a team effort with the constant tag teaming you need to do. It's not hard just demanding. It will be interesting how I cope on my own once Ian goes back to work.

Admittedly having a newborn hasn't been too much of an adjustment this time around. I guess it helps that Eli's not really sleeping through the night just yet so we're still use to having our sleep broken.

Although I've forgotten what it's like to constantly hold a baby and have limited movement. When a child learns to walk on their own people say that's when the "work" starts because you have to follow them around. But when you are use to not having to carry a child and revert back to having a newborn who needs to be constantly carried, it takes some getting use to .... again. You forget how physically restrictive a newborn can be.

So that's our current family dynamics at the moment. I'm sure by the time we've adjusted to the current environment it will change again.

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